July Fourth Star Wars Battle

May July Fourth be with youIt will soon be July Fourth. A time when, in the U.S. at least, we celebrate our country’s independence and beginning. We also have long firework displays that begin only after sitting in a large field for too long while being devoured by bugs, have barbeques with shaped meat tubes and fruit that is almost literally red-colored water and black seeds contained in hard rinds, and sit alongside roads as multi-colored cars roll down them, followed by people making noise with instruments and little guys with fezzes in tiny cars.

So instead of those things we’re going to look at what our favorite fictional characters would be doing a July Fourth analog.

For the fireworks display, our heroes gather on the canopy village of Endor, surrounded by the furry Ewoks, enjoying some interesting percussive music and native treats while they wait for their hosts’ galaxy-renowned display to be ready. They’ve already seen an example during the celebration feast after the battle of Endor, and they can’t wait to see it again.

Unbeknownst to them, Imperial remnants are closing in on their position! Their laser rifles are primed and ready to take down the fledgling New Galactic Republic. As they take aim at our heroes, they- This doesn’t really seem very July Fourth, now does it? Let’s adjust a few things.

Weapons trained, they prepare to fire. Suddenly, water balloons and squirt gun blasts rain upon our heroes! They jump into action, furiously pumping their own squirt guns until the pressure is high enough to return fire. Before they can take aim, a volley of water balloons lands near them.

The devastation!

Han Solo stumbles to his feet. Water sheeting down his face obscures his vision. He rolls and finds the defense of a cambylictus tree, clothes soaked. He shakes a still Ewok body at his feet before more blasts of water force him farther into the village.

Luke, having decided to spend some quiet time before the fireworks, hears the attack and races to help. His lightsaber is no help against the water, and in fact it shorts the weapon out! He runs, trying to find a weapon to fight back. He runs into his sister Leia, whose hair has come undone – she looks like a drowned wookie.

Han Solo gets deeper into the village, pursued by the Imperials, and find Chewbacca, angry, wet, and stinking. The wookie grabs a huge bucket of water and slams it over a Stormtrooper’s head, flooding the soldier’s armor and stunning him. Han and Chewie abscond to the largest tree in the village, meeting with the Jedi siblings. Within the tree: a potent armory of water-based warfare. They arm themselves and fend off the approaching battalion!

Get ready for July Fourth!

It is a ferocious battle. After hours, the Empire is defeated, and they retreat. Our heroes, and the Ewoks, celebrate with delicious cooked Dindra and sweet Cardellian mint, watching the delayed fireworks display with relish. Their July Fourth is complete.

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