July Fourth Star Wars Battle

May July Fourth be with youIt will soon be July Fourth. A time when, in the U.S. at least, we celebrate our country’s independence and beginning. We also have long firework displays that begin only after sitting in a large field for too long while being devoured by bugs, have barbeques with shaped meat tubes and fruit that is almost literally red-colored water and black seeds contained in hard rinds, and sit alongside roads as multi-colored cars roll down them, followed by people making noise with instruments and little guys with fezzes in tiny cars.

So instead of those things we’re going to look at what our favorite fictional characters would be doing a July Fourth analog.

For the fireworks display, our heroes gather on the canopy village of Endor, surrounded by the furry Ewoks, enjoying some interesting percussive music and native treats while they wait for their hosts’ galaxy-renowned display to be ready. They’ve already seen an example during the celebration feast after the battle of Endor, and they can’t wait to see it again.

Unbeknownst to them, Imperial remnants are closing in on their position! Their laser rifles are primed and ready to take down the fledgling New Galactic Republic. As they take aim at our heroes, they- This doesn’t really seem very July Fourth, now does it? Let’s adjust a few things.

Weapons trained, they prepare to fire. Suddenly, water balloons and squirt gun blasts rain upon our heroes! They jump into action, furiously pumping their own squirt guns until the pressure is high enough to return fire. Before they can take aim, a volley of water balloons lands near them.

The devastation!

Han Solo stumbles to his feet. Water sheeting down his face obscures his vision. He rolls and finds the defense of a cambylictus tree, clothes soaked. He shakes a still Ewok body at his feet before more blasts of water force him farther into the village.

Luke, having decided to spend some quiet time before the fireworks, hears the attack and races to help. His lightsaber is no help against the water, and in fact it shorts the weapon out! He runs, trying to find a weapon to fight back. He runs into his sister Leia, whose hair has come undone – she looks like a drowned wookie.

Han Solo gets deeper into the village, pursued by the Imperials, and find Chewbacca, angry, wet, and stinking. The wookie grabs a huge bucket of water and slams it over a Stormtrooper’s head, flooding the soldier’s armor and stunning him. Han and Chewie abscond to the largest tree in the village, meeting with the Jedi siblings. Within the tree: a potent armory of water-based warfare. They arm themselves and fend off the approaching battalion!

Get ready for July Fourth!

It is a ferocious battle. After hours, the Empire is defeated, and they retreat. Our heroes, and the Ewoks, celebrate with delicious cooked Dindra and sweet Cardellian mint, watching the delayed fireworks display with relish. Their July Fourth is complete.

Star Wars: Under-Appreciated Characters

We talk about a lot of the characters from Star Wars, but are there some that could use more talk? Five under-appreciated characters follow, and why we should think better of them.

Mon Mothma

Mon Mothma

Played by British actress Caroline Blakiston, Mon Mothma was on screen for all of twenty-six and a half seconds, in a scene where she describes the plan to take out the second Death Star and Palpatine, she nevertheless is important for a simple reason: She is one of the few female characters that doesn’t get unceremoniously murdered by Jabba in the original Trilogy. In the Extended Universe, she’s an influential character that leads the Rebellion, and later the Renewed Galactic Republic, through trying times.



We’ve already given Wedge Antilles some time in the limelight, but consider this: Wedge is the only fight pilot for the Rebels, besides the main characters, that survives all three movies. He ends up leader Red Squadron and Rogue Squadron, and is the also the character to find Han and Luke on Hoth, saving them from a slow, cold death.

Shmi Skywalker

Shmi Skywalker

Despite the confounding metaphysics of the midichlorian-induced virgin birth, Shmi remains one of the prequel trilogy’s most important characters due to her effect on Anakin. It was her motherly care that created Anakin’s fear of losing her, gave him his first step to the dark side when he slaughtered the Tusken Raiders that had captured her, and provided the perfect way for Palpatine to turn Anakin fully – his fear of losing loved ones.




Count Dooku

Count Dooku

Count Dooku’s screentime in Episode II set him up as a powerful villain, able to defeat even the surprisingly spry Yoda in a one-on-one match. And, in Episode III, he is ultimately defeated by an angered Anakin. His ignoble end may be depressing to those who wanted him to do greater things, but nobody can deny the power that Christopher Lee gave this Sith Lord. This would be the same Christopher Lee who is currently ninety-two, descended from Charlemagne (That’s Emperor Charlemagne to you), and has recorded several metal albums.


You heard me.

You heard him

A lot of people don’t like the Ewoks – they call them childish, stupid, or worthless. These people are wrong. Ewoks were stone-cold, black-hearted killers, who not only planned to eat the main cast (including Chewbacca), but successfully fended off the Empire, taking down battalions of soldiers and AT-ST walkers.

You won’t get out alive

Kids love Ewoks. They’re Teddy Bears that will fight to protect their home . . . and you best not get on their bad side.

No escape

Are there any other characters you think are under appreciated? Some on this list you think don’t belong?

Star Wars
You watch yourself